Who was Sin Cera?

I must admit that there are days where I don’t think about starting another band and it would appear that those days are becoming more and more frequent. You see, I came across One Republic again the other night while trying to make notes on an article and I took a break from note-making to listen to “All the Right Moves” by One Republic which I once covered with my band Sin Cera back in our second year of university. At the time of performance, I forgot half the words due to general stage fear (not fright) but soldiered on..and looking back, we weren’t so bad. We collaborated rather well considering we had very different music listening tastes; I loved my popular, chart topping music whereas the majority of the group preferred alternative and rock music. Nonetheless, we worked it out and I would like to think that we produced a good sound. The name ‘Sin Cera’ first appealed to me after the two words were repeated several time in the Dan Brown book ‘Digital Fortress’. In the book, he explains the meaning of the term “sin cera” which means without wax. I won’t go into the whole explanation but basically, I wanted the name to represent an ensemble who performed music which we were good at and specialised in and all sorts...I’m beginning to wonder if I should have used another name and kept such a good name for a later ensemble...oh well...carry on!

Our first ever concert was in the YSJ Tuesday Lunchtime Concerts took place in the Chapel from 12:30-13:00 (and which I believe are still going). I presented the group to everyone in the space we had specifically set up and then I think we proceeded to play ‘Apologise’ by One Republic. I believe we did a couple more covers but I can’t remember exactly, which is a pity really because it was our first concert but then again, I don’t think it’s uncommon to prepare for something for ages only for the event to pass in the space of 8minutes.

In any case, we performed, we were given feedback and I came across one of the pages of feedback which we received from the tutors...here’s what it said:

“Good ensemble feel. I like this song but can’t hear all the words: you could work for greater clarity. Slight mix-up in guitars – and remember to tune together – you’re not quite there! I like this song’s key change and structure; could you make more of the ending? I’d like to hear you exploring the possibilities of the electronic kit rather more. Second song rather too similar, feel, key, tempo etc. Nevertheless an enjoyable performance.”

That is what I can read, the handwriting is almost impossible to decipher. Nonetheless, I take it that there are more positive points than negative ones which made me question the reasons for the band falling apart. I don’t like to dwell on that point however because I have moved on and collaborated some more with great musicians and it has all been just as rewarding. I have played at the Summer Ball in YSJ two years in a row (in the acoustic tent, where I like it), I have performed at several Open Mic Nights and even hosted and performed in my own concert, all the while collaborating with one or more musicians; honestly it has been amazing and brilliant.

To them move into a new city with new class mates, new everything...well my collaboration balance with life is not existent right now to say the least. I am working on that though...first I need to find a potential repertoire which includes some original music and then I need to find myself a guitarist J It shouldn’t be hard but I seem to have grown a shell to which I am too attached. All the same, that doesn’t mean there isn’t some kind of creative streak within looking to collaborate with someone likeable and to perform in open mic nights and gigs and so forth.

Something important that I noticed in the last year was that being sociable with the person you are working with can be a good thing in that it can inspire both of you to write a new song or piece and it also strengthens the bond between both musicians. This, I find, is important because if you meet up purely to work together, rehearsals can be rigid and if you don’t have everything organised down to the last music stand, the members of your band can become irritated with you...now being sociable outside of rehearsals doesn’t mean you can get away with being somewhat disorganised, but it does allow for a more amicable response from you band mates. I also think it’s important to figure out what kind of collaboration it is that you can deal with. For example, it was all very well having 5-6 people in my band Sin Cera at some point but there were times where I simply could not contain the entire rehearsal in an orderly manner. What I mean is that because there were quite a few of us, people would talk over one another, other people would play their instruments when not supposed to and it could feel a bit hectic and like you were a very tiny mouse in a big noisy jungle.

In my MA year, I created a certain collaboration with a fantastic pianist when I needed someone to play the instrumental part of a piece I wanted to perform in a concert. From there, the rehearsals were frequent and we began rehearsing together and building a decent repertoire which we performed in Open Mic nights down in the student’s union and then later in a couple more concerts (I think). The main factor that held our collaboration together was that we became good friends and had a mutual understanding of what we wanted to get out of the collaboration. I found it was also easier to communicate with the other member of the collaboration because it was just him and so attention was easy to focus and it was fairly easy to simply get on with the rehearsal rather than postponing the main element of rehearsal with chatting and trying to get silence in the room. We started writing songs together and actually have one song which needs finishing, which hopefully, we can do one day soon.

In an alternative world where my dreams come true, I have a new band in which we all get along and rehearse on a weekly basis. In this world, we have several potential gigs coming up and a really good repertoire and we have been rehearsing for a long time and are completely ready to perform... in this world, we are already working on original material to perform in open mic nights and all that sort of thing.

The reality of the situation is that I’m still trying to work on my people skills and to pluck up the courage to contact musicians about a possible collaboration. I’m also in the middle of writing another song on guitar with vocals which is taking a bit of time because it’s based on some very vivid dreams I’ve had. Foolish I know but this is where I take my inspiration from, lest my dreaming in colour with sound go to waste!

Anyway, I beginning to get caught up in music on Youtube, I’m going to love you and leave you and bid you all good night. (It’s 2:08am apparently...HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?)

Take care,

Panthera T.

This is Sin Cera at the Summer Ball of YSJ. 

And this is from 2011 - first concert with JC, performing 'I Fall Too'. 

I've been thinking...

For the past couple of days, I have been going through all my old notebooks and note pads, throwing away the bits of rubbish I have written and keeping hold of bits of writing which intrigue me. I seem to have found half of something I was writing about but I cannot, for the life of me, find the first half. So I will show you what I have.

“why complicate life when you can simplify it to everybody’s way of understanding. Life is what you make it and if you complicate your statements because you want to sound like a pretentious, insecure little person, then no wonder your life is complicated! Liberty, something I guess we all crave but don’t express. Habit, something we are creatures of. As humans we like our routines, habits. We build homes for God’s sake! We’re pathetic not superior. We insult each other, thinking we’re really witty, you don’t see other creatures doing that now do you?

Reflecting back on things i something I may do too much of, I know I over analyse situations too much. When you’re trying to be a part of something you’ve so hard for, it’s heartbreaking. Right now, I feel like I’m on a boat, watching everyone else become a part of this course while I’m still alienated. Is it me? Is it what I’m doing? There’s no time like Golden Time Alone but why do I crave solidarity? I wish I was better, more sophisticated, more complicated and more observant but I’m not, and I’m trying so hard to accept that and get on with it but it’s proving much harder than I thought. I put my soul into working for this new course and now that I’m on it, I just want to curl up and die. I want to make it work but that’s not happening. It suddenly feels wrong to be doing this course...like I’m not a musician anymore. “

Something tells me that this was written while I was very confused. The last sentence has become more important than anything else written now. The feelings related to becoming less and less of a musician have been building up over the last two years but more so in the last year than any other time. Saying that though, I composed music, I worked with a great musician and I even hosted and set up my own concert. On the other hand, I really struggled to compose, to find the heart and soul to even begin composing but nothing came to me. There seemed to be little meaning left and trying to create something which included research was even harder than expected. I guess what I was left with was a growing fascination in the psychology involved my composition processes, the reasons for composing and what can happen when expressing oneself is impossible. All of the latter is what I’m working on now and wrote about in my first thesis (well, tried to). I have also noted certain changes which have occurred over the last couple of years; changes concerning my personality, my behaviour, my reaction to others and so on and so forth. It’s all very subjective and reflective, not something terribly academic I’m afraid; on the other hand, it does serve its purposes as it enables me to progress as a person. Granted the progress is slow and somewhat heinous, frustrating those around me as I can seem to cave in on myself however there is hope, I assure you.

You see, there are journeys people need to take when they are at certain parts of their life. The easiest thing one can do is to accept this fact and go on the journey. Such journeys are needed to be taken at a time where there are months of freedom, for example, school holidays and gap years. The reason being that in those times, there is generally little to do and demands to be in places are generally low. One needs time and peaceful mind to journey into the self and to explore the side lesser known even to the person. I have tried to take this journey while dealing with other commitments but I had no luck as worries concerning studies and life in general plagued my mind and interrupted my thoughts and meditation. The journey at this point in my life has yet to be taken as I have postponed this progressive step until I am more quietened within. For others, I suggest the same steps be taken to ensure a quiet and pondering mind. Allow yourself to question your identity, to ponder your past and the lessons learnt from. On the other hand, make sure to go venture into the journey leaving doubt and negativity behind. See it as an endless possibility to discover your potential and to progress as a person.

Another page of writings was found the other day and so I present the following.

“7/10/11 – Friday

-After reading ‘Song of the All-Mother’ and ‘The Paradoxical Goddess’, I realised part of my time spent here will actually be quite spiritual.”

This was written while we were in Swaledale on the MA Weekend Away last year. I had brought some books on Wicca as I had planned to work on my spirituality and started reading the book by Marian Green. Almost instantly, I was immersed in the first few paragraphs and soon become the person who was happy to sit in the corner and read. My notes continue and refer to our first task of creating a sculpture using our environment.

 “-My sculpture represents the 2 poems at the beginning of ‘A Witch Alone’ by Marian Green. I didn’t get to finish it though, so my interpretation is more improvised than what I had been aiming for. Originally, I had hoped to create a fairly round shape made of small round rocks with one big rock in the middle. The smaller rocks were going to be the earth itself and the big rock would represent the heart of it where everything stems from. I was going to write out ‘Song of the All-Mother’ as I feel it rings quite true to nature and life. One can spend their life in a church or monastery searching for God, yet ‘Song of the All-Mother’ portrays the Goddess as being everywhere, which She inevitably is. Green states that “they [The Old Ones] are too great to be contained in four walls.” (p.13) and my accordance with this statement is partially why I have recently turned to Wicca as a spirituality.

- Looking at my sculpture and its meaning from a musical point of view, one could say that at some point, my spirituality will come through my music, as I often link aspects of my personality and self directly back to my music and compositions.  

- In the end, my sculpture contained some of its (original) intended meaning. The circle outline with rounded rocks represents the earth. The smaller inner circle represents land and the rest of the outer circle represents the sky. Both are close and joined show how the Goddess and God come together to rule over the earth. The big rock in the middle shows the core, what I consider, the life force.

this is my sculpture :)

“perhaps we are like stones, our own history and the history of the world are embedded in us.” (a quote we were given by the tutors to reflect on)

-          Like stones, we differ according to our environment, like stones, we differ in types, sizes, shapes, colour et cetera.

-          But do stones really change according to their history? Humans do because we are possible in accordance with our history but are stones physically affected by history?”

 I am beginning to wonder where my brain was taking a holiday. I know I certainly need one!

I’ll check in later, but for now, take care.

Panthera T.